I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
