I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
