You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
