my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
