I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
