Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize