I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
