Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
