apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
