just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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