My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
