I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
