He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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