Christians are straight up FREAKS
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
