New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
