I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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