well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
