ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
