I cockslap morals
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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