I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
