bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ttyl tear gas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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