i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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