so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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