She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
