The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
