I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
