now i know why i became what i already was.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
