never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
