I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
