I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
