Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
