ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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