why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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