I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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