If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
