i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize