3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
