I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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