I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
