this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
