Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
