dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
