he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
