i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
