Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
