I didn't shave. On purpose
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
