stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
