U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
