I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
