He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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