I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
