oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
be right there i have to get my cape
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
