my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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