dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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