Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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