I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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