I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
