That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
