She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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