I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
