Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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