I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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