my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ok first of all what the fuck
I know her cup size but not her name....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
