dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize