Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
