drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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