Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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