Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
