but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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